Director's Wave | Volume 5 Edition 2

Dear CIS Community,

Something to Ponder

“Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” - Robert Fulghum

Earlier this week I had the good fortune of reading some advice given to a young friend who is about to become a father. Some of the advice and wisdom written is as follows …

• What an amazing journey you have embarked on. They always say, “sleep when the baby is sleeping,” this is true. Be patient, not only with the baby but also with each other, as your lives are about to change in incredible ways. Remember to lead by example, as this will be important for your baby’s growth. Read lots of books, take many adventures, and create countless memories all together. Dont, hesitate to ask for help.
• May your days be filled with joy, love, and countless beautiful moments.
• When baby comes along, remember that it’s okay to admit that you might be overwhelmed and need help. Having a newborn is a difficult task and no one will judge if your ask for a hand.
• Cherish the countless joys and priceless memories.
• Get ready for sleepless nights, mysterious smells, and an endless supply of photos.
• Welcome to the “dad club” where your new hobbies will include dodging legos and mastering the art of the dad joke.

The young friend turned to me, inquiring, “Jim, I do not see your advice written down in the card.” I responded, “Tís true, I did not write down any advice.” I thought to myself, do I painfully go into droning professor mode and talk about the *four styles of parenting; 1) Authoritative, 2) Permissive; 3) Authoritarian, and 4) Neglectful. 

Fortunately, I caught myself, realizing this would not be helpful nor welcome at this time. I thought, do I attempt to be pithy and use the oft quoted quip of, everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

Instead, I ended up saying the “classic” don’t blink - the days may seem long, yet the years are short. Time is a blessing, be calm, be alert, be calm, be there, be calm.

Parent Involvement in Learning

Teaching children what counts is a team effort. A team requires many people, a lot of effort, and involves hard work. It inherently encompasses mistakes along the way too. Thus helping our children understand, appreciate and act on what counts requires a strong school / parent partnership. To be sure, success in school is measured not just by academic standing, but also via social-emotional health, engagement in the arts, athletics and service and much more. Arguably these are the realms where our children practice, first hand, skills like, managing independence, coping when things don’t go one’s way, developing decision-making skills and doing the right thing when no one is looking - the things that count.

It is no secret that children's attitudes towards school, their engagement, achievement, attendance, motivation, self-concept, and behaviours are influenced by the attitudes of their parents towards learning and school. Parent involvement in a child’s learning is very important, and certainly varies from age group to age group. Indeed, even from Kindergarten to Grade 12 when most children are full-time students - 80% of their year is still outside of school and at home in some way, shape or form. Too much parent involvement is detrimental to student growth. - as is too little. The art is in finding the right balance – and, of course,  this too varies from child to child too. Balance is the elusive key.

Two forms of parental involvement in school consistently show a positive effect on student success. One is attending school information sessions such as orientations. When parents attend information sessions, and other similar types of orientation, students tend to have higher rates of school work completion. In fact, when parents participate in school events their children tend to have a student work completion rate 15% to 20% higher than students whose parent(s) do not attend any school events.

The other form of parent involvement that consistently helps students is having family suppers or meals. Our busy lives often get in the way of the ritual/tradition of eating a meal together. Children who are in an environment in which their family regularly eat meals together (three or more times a week), tend to have stronger academic achievement, lower instances of substance abuse, less behavioural issues, and are more likely to complete high school and / or post-secondary education, and tend to participate in service to others as well as themselves.

On behalf of the CIS team, thank you to our parents for engaging in the school / parent partnership, such as the recent new family orientations and back to school nights. May you have the opportunity to have a meal together with your child - hopefully we will see you at the Welcome Back BBQ tomorrow, Saturday 31 August at 4:00 pm.

Sincerely,

Jim Urquhart
Director - Cayman International School

Four Parenting Styles as Described by the Mayo Clinic

1. Authoritative Parenting

Authoritative parenting is often considered the ideal style for its combination of warmth and flexibility while still making it clear that the parents are in charge. Children of authoritative parents know what is expected of them. Their parents explain reasons for the rules and consequences for breaking them. Parents also listen to their child’s opinions, but the parent remains the ultimate decision maker.

Authoritative parents develop close, nurturing relationships with their children. Children with authoritative parents tend to grow up confident, responsible and capable of managing their emotions. They are also friendly, curious and achievement-oriented.

What is an example of authoritative parenting style?

One place where parenting style shows is at mealtimes. Authoritative parents have more family meals where the parents model eating behaviors — rather than imposing strict restrictions. The parents will include the children in meal preparation. Perhaps the child will choose what’s for dinner one night a week or choose the side dish. Research shows that children of authoritative mothers have a high quality of diet and eat more fruit than children from different parenting styles.

2. Permissive Parenting Style

Permissive parents might pride themselves on being their child’s best friend. These parents are warm and nurturing with open communication. They are actively involved in their children’s emotional well-being. They also have low expectations and use discipline sparingly. Permissive parents let children make their own choices, but also bail them out if it doesn’t go well.

Children of permissive parents have the freedom to make decisions like what to eat, when to go to bed and whether to do their homework. These children tend to have good self-esteem and social skills. But they can be impulsive, demanding and lack the ability to self-regulate. Permissive parents often try to control their child’s environment, so the child doesn’t have to experience rejection or failure. This means the child might enter adulthood unprepared.

What is an example of permissive parenting style?

When it comes to food, permissive parents might have lax rules. They allow the children to choose what they want, even if that means the parents make a special meal. This could lead to picky eating and unhealthy diet choices. Permissive parenting is associated with lower fruit and vegetable intake. It may also result in inexperience in trying new things or going with the flow and difficulty in social settings involving food.

3. Authoritarian parenting

Authoritarian parenting uses strict rules, high standards and punishment to regulate the child’s behavior. Authoritarian parents have high expectations and are not flexible on them. The children might not even know a rule is in place until they’re punished for breaking it.

Children of authoritarian parents are good at following instructions and behave well. However, these children might grow up with a fear of punishment and lack experience making their own decisions. As a result, some might become aggressively rebellious, lack social skills and may have difficulty making sound decisions on their own.

What is an example of authoritarian parenting style? 

At mealtimes, authoritarian parents might enforce rules, such as the children eat the same meal as everyone else or finish everything on their plate. However, the family is unlikely to discuss why they eat certain foods and how they fit into their culture or affect a child’s health.

4. Neglectful Parents

Neglectful parents fulfill the child’s basic needs, but then pay little attention to the child. These parents tend to offer minimal nurturing and have few expectations or limitations for their child. It’s not always a conscious choice parents make, but can be forced by circumstance, such as the need to work late shifts, single parenting, mental health concerns or overall family troubles.

Children of neglectful parents usually grow up to be resilient and self-sufficient out of necessity. They might have trouble controlling emotions, don’t develop effective coping strategies and they have difficulty maintaining social relationships. They tend to have low self-esteem and might seek out inappropriate role models.

What is an example of neglectful parenting style?

Parents who are uninvolved might not buy groceries or plan meals consistently. That could leave the child concerned about when they will next eat. It can lead them to become preoccupied with food. Children who had neglectful parents often overeat when food is available and may become overweight. But these children often have an easier time leaving home when it’s time.